The F@#$in Title Says It All…

For real…?

Cognitive Dissonance

I’m experiencing the ultimate in cognitive dissonance right now. On the one hand, this is coonery of the worst kind. But on the other hand, homegirl is stacked. Can’t. Stop. Watching.

– Captain ALou


When BET and Romper Room Collide

I give up on life.

– Captain ALou


Pizza Boomerang [NSFW]

The fugg…?

 

 

– Captain ALou


Waiter, Is There a D*ck In My Soup?

29 members of a militant group seeking revenge against rogue witch doctors were arrested by police in Papua New Guinea and charged with killing at least seven people.

In addition to murdering the “evil sorcerers,” it is believed the cannibal cult also consumed portions of their victims’ brains and other organs, and prepared soup from their penises in an effort to become bulletproof.

The anti-sorcerer group, which is believed to have as many as 1,000 active participants, was organized after witch doctors, who traditionally charge 1000 kina ($472), a pig, and a bag of rice to determine a cause of death or ward off evil spirits, began demanding sex as well.

Many residents of Papua New Guinea believe natural causes are not sufficient to explain misfortune, illness, accidents, or death, but it conflicts with traditional ethics “for a sorcerer to have intercourse with a man’s wife or teenage daughter,” a local cult leader is quoted as saying.

In response to the extortion, villagers turned to their chiefs for “supernatural training,” and subsequently went after the sorcerers to seek recompense.

But the 29 people from Biamb village accused of slaying alleged witch doctors and mutilating their bodies went too far, according to one local expert.

“[T]hese people never kill sorcerers in broad daylight, mutilate and eat sorcerers’ flesh, livers, and hearts or make soup from the penis of sorcerers,” he told The National newspaper. “This is insane and the cannibalism [of this group] goes beyond the local culture.”

Madang Police Commander Anthony Wagambie said he expected dozens more will be arrested over the weekend for similar crimes.

(via)

Wait. Did I just read that these guys ate…um…so, how would you even…uh…why would anybo…if they didn’t…um…but…sigh…did somebody just…well, when a person…sigh. *Captain ALou gets up and walks away from his computer*

– Captain ALou


Cleanup in Aisle 1

What the deuce is wrong with people?

No pun intended.

– Captain ALou


Stress Relievers

OK, ladies. The bruhs over here at The Random Blog About Nothing love and respect y’all. Sincerely, we do. But we admit, there will be the occasional moments in our lives when we get out of pocket and do some things you may not like. Please forgive us in advance.

In response though, we have a simple request. When you get angry with us – and we know the time will come when you do – please squeeze THESE to relieve your stress:

not these:

C’mon ladies. Do you REALLY haveta go there to make a point?:

A woman has been charged with malicious castration after allegedly squeezing a man’s scrotum until one of his testicles dislodged, North Carolina police reported.

Joyce Maxine Gregory, 35, allegedly attacked a 59-year-old man during an argument in his apartment in Shelby early Saturday morning. When the man went outside to call 911, Gregory reportedly grabbed him, squeezing a testicle from his scrotum before he was able to free himself from her grip, according to police documents obtained by the Smoking Gun.

Officer M. L. McPherson stated in his report that the victim’s “scrotum had been split open,” adding that, “I was also able to observe one of the subject’s testicles protruding from the scrotum area.”

Police also observed “blood on the floor of the porch and the siding of the residence.”

A urologist who treated the victim told police that stitches could treat the injury and that there would be no long-term damage, according to the police report.

When police arrested Gregory, she allegedly removed her pants and urinated in the back seat of the patrol car, the Shelby Star reported.

Gregory is being held on $20,000 bond and will next appear in court on June 18 for charges of malicious castration and assault inflicting serious bodily injury, according to the Cleveland County Sheriff’s Office.

OK. So, the whole peeing in the car thing is pretty messed up. But nowhere near to the same extent as quite literally squeezing a nut out of a dude’s sack. Never before in human history has every single man on Earth cringed at the exact same moment.

Please ladies, respect our junk.

– Captain ALou


My Childhood, Down the Drain

There is a SERIOUS…*sob*…disturbance in the Force.

Lark Voorhies (then):

Image

Lark Voorhies (now):

Image

My response:

– Captain ALou