OK, ladies. The bruhs over here at The Random Blog About Nothing love and respect y’all. Sincerely, we do. But we admit, there will be the occasional moments in our lives when we get out of pocket and do some things you may not like. Please forgive us in advance.
In response though, we have a simple request. When you get angry with us – and we know the time will come when you do – please squeeze THESE to relieve your stress:
C’mon ladies. Do you REALLY haveta go there to make a point?:
A woman has been charged with malicious castration after allegedly squeezing a man’s scrotum until one of his testicles dislodged, North Carolina police reported.
Joyce Maxine Gregory, 35, allegedly attacked a 59-year-old man during an argument in his apartment in Shelby early Saturday morning. When the man went outside to call 911, Gregory reportedly grabbed him, squeezing a testicle from his scrotum before he was able to free himself from her grip, according to police documents obtained by the Smoking Gun.
Officer M. L. McPherson stated in his report that the victim’s “scrotum had been split open,” adding that, “I was also able to observe one of the subject’s testicles protruding from the scrotum area.”
Police also observed “blood on the floor of the porch and the siding of the residence.”
A urologist who treated the victim told police that stitches could treat the injury and that there would be no long-term damage, according to the police report.
When police arrested Gregory, she allegedly removed her pants and urinated in the back seat of the patrol car, the Shelby Star reported.
Gregory is being held on $20,000 bond and will next appear in court on June 18 for charges of malicious castration and assault inflicting serious bodily injury, according to the Cleveland County Sheriff’s Office.
OK. So, the whole peeing in the car thing is pretty messed up. But nowhere near to the same extent as quite literally squeezing a nut out of a dude’s sack. Never before in human history has every single man on Earth cringed at the exact same moment.
Please ladies, respect our junk.
– Captain ALou